Remember way back in the near-forgotten year of 2012 when we kept seeing all this incredible promotional material for Prometheus and we were all super stoked because Ridley Scott was coming back to the Alien franchise for the first time in 34 year and then the film came out and it was underwhelming at best? On a related not, you ever heard how those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it?
A crew of 15, awoken from cryosleep during a 7-year colonization mission after their ship is damaged by a solar flare or whatever, discover a planet randomly that just so happens to perfectly suit their needs that's much closer than the one they were going to. A majority land on the surface after both to study the ecosystem and to find the source of a mysterious SOS call they've received. A few disturbingly bad CGI creatures later and they come in contact with David, the murderous robot from Prometheus and near-perfect doppelganger for the robot the crew of the Covenant brought with them. Then some more pretentious Prometheus bullshit, like the idea of the xenomorphs being the result of a virus and an entire civilization of Handsome Squidwards, happens.
Show me the person who thinks they can tell these two apart and I'll show you a liar.
In case you can't tell, I was not a fan of this movie. Much like its predecessor, it's riddled with Grand Canyon-sized plot hole while trying to make you think they're there by design and the entire film just feels kinda rushed and amateurish despite the years of experience behind and in front of the camera. The acting runs the shit-scale from dull (is it ironic that the two best performances in the film are being given by a man playing a robot and Danny McBride, or is it just funny) to hysterically melodramatic (I get that the Daniels character is suppose to be sort of this film's Ripley, but I don't recall Ripley blubbering quite that much. In fact, I'm pretty sure she cries more here than Ripley does in 4 entire films). The computer effects are shockingly sub par --including a few scenes where they don't look any better than the CG in Alien3, which you may recall is 25 years old-- and everything has that obnoxious blue patina that every fucking sci-fi film in the last 10 years has.
Overblown, dull, uninteresting, and not even the slightest bit engaging, you'd be better served just watching you Blu-Ray copy of Alien for the 5000th and remind yourself that Ridley was talented once upon a time.
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