Siren (2016)

2012 saw the release of V/H/S, an anthology/found footage hybrid from mumblecore heroes such as Adam Wingard, Ti West, Joe Swanson, and the film making collective Radio Silence, just to name a few. Arguably the best segment --and some could make the argument it's the only decent segment-- is a short about about a trio of dudebros who pick up the wrong girl called Amateur Night, directed by David (The Signal, Southbound) Bruckner. In late 2015 the decision was made by Bruckner and Co, with Dance of the Dead director Gregg Bishop at the helm this time, to create a feature-length film based on the monstrous young lady at the center of the short, and in late 2016 they did just that with Siren. In fact, this could easily be seen as a prequel to Amateur Night.

It's the night of Jonah's bachelor party and his brother/best man (a title given him out of pity as he's the classic "Fuck-Up Brother" archetype) has promised to give him and his two other friends the night of their lives! Sadly, it turns out the reputation of crazy night life of the own brother Mac has taken them to was greatly exaggerated; what's a group of lame 20-somethings to do?! Well, clearly follow the random guy that approaches them in the saddest strip club in the world who tells them he can take them to the real party, duh!

Upon finally arriving at the party --a rundown plantation in the middle of a swamp, natch-- they're greeted by a very dark striptease and introduced to the club's proprietor, Mr. Nyx. He sets Jonah up for a special show with a girl behind a glass partition, the girl from Amateur Night and the titular siren, while the other's enjoy some paranormal cocktails. Well, good guy Jonah becomes convinced she's a sex slave being held against her will and breaks her out, only to discover both her penchant for wholesale slaughter and the fact that she mates for life, and she has her eyes riveted on his junk.

So Siren is kind of a weird movie for me to talk about. It's not a good film, don't get me wrong, but.....that's kinda why I like it. Ok, positives first. There are some CGI elements, but they're used sparingly and hidden in shadow a good percentage of the time. I also like that, despite seeing HOW Lily (the name given to the creature) came to be in our world, we really know nothing else about her, what she truly is, or where she came from. It implies a much larger world that could potentially be the basis for a franchise.

Everything else is pretty much what you'd expect it to be; the acting is simply OK at best, the direction pedantic, and the writing leaves a lot to be desired. Luckily I don't care about any of that. I think Siren is a fun time-waster, silly and cheesy in all the right ways. Give it a watch, couldn't hurt, right?